10 Reasons Why You Should Be Bowing Down to Missy Elliot

By Patrick DeMarco

Missy Elliot is back. Oh, how we’ve all waited so long to hear those treasured words. Although the Katy Perry weave-snatching Hip-hop empress doesn’t have a new single or album out (yet), it’s clear that Missy made her ultimate comeback during her much hyped appearance at this past weekend’s Super Bowl halftime show. In fact, it was in those glorious three minutes that Missy performed her monster hits, “Work It, “Get Ur Freak On” and “Lose Control,” that the whole world once again felt that special tingle that only the M-I-double S-Y-E knows how to give, well, except for that whole younger social media based generation who had no fucking idea who Missy was. That’s why today, I felt as if it was my civic music duty to take those who aren’t familiar with our leading “ba-donka-donk” lady straight to music school in a special segment called, “10 Reasons Why You Should Be Bowing Down to Missy Elliot.” Dive in.

 

1.Because she’s been in the music game for two decades and counting….

Okay, so as expected, there were a flurry of social media posts during the halftime spectacle about confusion as to who this “new artist performing with Katy Perry” was. Not only did I immediately feel old as all hell, but it made me wonder, how do these kids not know? Doesn’t anyone look up music anymore? However, it HAS been ten years since Missy’s last studio set, ‘The Cookbook’ (By the way, all you young music bucks, Missy’s blazing single, Pass That Dutch, is  featured in the beloved movie ‘Mean Girls’…….twice. #themoreyouknow), so it’s easy to understand how there’s a whole generation that doesn’t fully appreciate the bounty of blissful Missy bangers that were provided for us late-’90s kids years ago. However, judging by the fact that Missy’s infamous galactic grooves are destroying itunes charts at the moment, I would say Ms. Elliot just put her thing down, flipped it and reversed it on all of you young ones. It also doesn’t hurt that after being released ten, fifteen years ago, Missy’s music still sounds as fresh and relevant (“She’s a Bitch,” anyone?) as it gloriously did back-in-the-day. With that being said, bring us that album soon, girl. The music industry and…these…kids… need you now more than ever.

“Da Rain(Supa Dupa Fly)”

2.Because, let’s face it, she’s the only reason the halftime show pulled in astronomical numbers…

So, the order of MVP’s at the halftime show went a little something like this….Missy Elliot, Left Shark, Katy Perry…..Lenny Kravitz. Yesterday, the ratings for were announced and a whopping 118 million viewers tuned in to see Missy & friends, making it the most watched halftime show yet.  You can’t tell me that the fab appearance by our beloved Hip-hop queen didn’t have a little something to do with that feat? I rest my Missy halftime weave.

Just Missy’s performance at the Super Bowl

3.Because she’s the only female MC that matters at the moment……

Salt N Pepa? Okay, Geico commercial? (WTF?) No. Lil Kim? Miss your (old) face. Eve, Foxy and Trina? “Forgot-About- Friday” all day. Igloo Australia and Nicki Min-“ugh?” Fuck,no. Missy “Mis-motha-fuckin-demeanor Elliot? Yas.

4.Because all of you long-time Missy Elliot fans clutched your music pearls for dear life in anticipation of waiting for her at halftime…..

Okay, so picture it, Sunday night, I’m on my couch, flipping back-and -forth- like Aaliyah between Lifetime’s ‘Sugar Daddies’ and patiently waiting for the Missy Elliot Sunday night extravaganza to finally get its ass in gear on that other channel with the sports on it. This comes after reveling in my Missy music vault all weekend after hearing the news that she was, indeed, going to steal the spotlight, er, perform at the Super Bowl with Katy Perry. Then, while watching Ms. Perry’s performance (my review…yay! but, eh.), there was that flash in time when “California Gurls” ended and I could begin to feel the presence of all things Missy……and my reaction went a little something like this picture of E.J. Johnson below. Anyone else feel the same way?

EJ-Johnson-on-The-Wendy-Williams-Show

 

5.Because she had in a hand in some truly classic ’90s baby makin’ joints….

As much as our girl is a true solo music force to be reckoned with, she’s also had a brilliant hand in producing some seriously killer records back- in- the-’90s- day. Let’s see, where do we begin? How about the classic track, “Make It Hot” featuring one-time R&B diva, Nicole Wray? If we really want to get lost in the music forest, there’s “What About Us” and “Trippin,” her collaborations with luscious ’90s R&B trio, Total.  There’s also the whore-y remix of MC’s “Heartbreaker” (“He used to lie me on my back/take that!”) , and her crack-ya-teeth prowess is in full force on the remix of Janet’s (underrated) blazing, “Son of a Gun.” However, when it comes to the powerful music productions of Missy, her work with the late great Aaliyah speaks for itself. If you don’t get musically turned on after hearing classic ‘Liyah/Missy  moments, “Hot Like Fire,” “If Your Girl Only Knew” and the dazzling, “One In a Million,” then I’m afraid all Missy hope is lost for you, my friend.

6.Because she’s best friends with Timbaland…

Not only did all of the tracks mentioned above featured Ms. Missy, but they also featured her long time music partner-in-crime, mega-producer, Timbaland, who, by the way, is currently killing it musically  with his top-notch productions on FOX’s smash show, Empire.  Together, Missy & Tim have proved to be an unstoppable duo, delivering some of the most futuristic and funkdafied grooves that most of us have ever exposed our headphones to.  One of my favorite joints was brought to my ears during the duo’s early  days in a little collaboration called, “Up Jumps Da Boogie,” also co-starring Ms. Aaliyah….and long-lost ’90s MC, Magoo. Those were the days, kids.

#Mustlistenallthetime

7. Because of THIS.

Screen-Shot-2013-12-02-at-11.41.46-AM

 

8. Because before there was “Bang, Bang,” there was a little record called, “Lady Marmalade.”

This is for those who fondly remember the one-two-three sock-it-2-me radio punch  in early ’01 that was Destiny’s Child’s “Survivor,” Ms. Janet’s “All For You” and “Lady Marmalade,” the Missy/Rockwilder produced T-tex-of- a- tune starring Xtina, Mya, Pink and the original Lil’ Kim.  Yes, all three of these diva-licious tracks bulldozed their way to the top of the charts, but it was “Marmalade” that brought each of the ladies (and gentleman) involved a Grammy awards, meaning that Missy’s “Lady” will always bust a cap in the ass of the Ariana/Nicki/Jessie J collabo, “Bang, Bang,” any day of the week. Take that.

9. Because she has 5 Grammy awards and you don’t…

She’s also been nominated 33 times, has 7 BET Awards, 8 Soul Train Lady of Soul Awards, 5 Billboard Music Awards and 7 VMAs. How many of those do you have?

10.Because she’s just that bitch.

Need I say more?

Work it like Missy.

 

 

 

 Category: 5 Reasons Why

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