5 Reasons Why We’re Ready for a Katy Perry 2017 Takeover

By Patrick DeMarco

Oh, Ms. Katy Perry. Let us count the many, many ways she has taken over our lives since the release of her sophomore set, One of the Boys. (Katy Hudson was her first…wherever she is now).

We could start by counting up and gettin’ down to the eight number one singles (you know them, you love love them, you own them) she’s served the charts and all of us with starting with “I Kissed a Girl,” aka..the one that started it all. 

Or, maybe we could count up all of the boys, boys, all types of boys she’s linked up with and dangled in front of us, including ex hubbie Russell Brand (wherever he is), John Mayer, and her recent boo thing, Mr. Orlando Bloom and that picture of his bloom that we still can’t stop staring at. 

Oh, and that time that she tried to go all Sister Act and tried to buy a nuns convent so she could turn it into her Kitty Kat Krib and they told her to take a church seat? Priceless.

What all this means is that our lives have been a little more pop music cheeky and, like, a little more funner since she came along with her cherry Chap Stic in pocket and one way ticket to Vegas in hand.  But if one things for sure, it’s that it’s been way too long since we lived a complete Katy Perry year-and-a-like and lucky for us (and Ms. Swift, I presume), she’s looking and aiming to make 2017 her bitch. 

And in a year that’s looking to be filled with more bullshit than last year (as we’ll soon see..it’s possible), a Katy Komeback couldn’t be coming at a better time for all of us. 

And here’s 5 reasons why. 

1.Because let’s face it, Prism was a tad bit basic…  It’s hard to believe, but it’s already been almost four years since Kitty Purry, err, Katy Perry served us with her follow-up to her 2010 blockbuster, Teenage Dream. And while it tried to match up to the pop music wonderdom that was laced all up in Dream, with the exception of “Dark Horse,” “Walking on Air,” “Roar,” and maybe “This is How We Do,” the rest of the album ended up being stuck in beginner’s yoga class and couldn’t even come close to matching the one, two, five Billboard #1 singles punch of its monstrous predecessor. 

And with the recent announcement that Ms. Diva has linked up with Max Martin’s music bestie, Shellback, for the first time on her upcoming romp, it’s a good sign that she’s stepping away from the Dream and taking us into a brand new Perry music place. Perhaps a little deep house action as well? Judging from the way the overlooked overseas genre is nowhere to be found on stateside radio, it would be fabulous if someone could give it the respect it truly deserves. Maybe that someone will be Ms. Katy. There’s only way to find out…give us that album, boo. 

And when it comes to “Rise,’ Ms. Perry’s 2016 Summer Olympics anthem? Despite those killer remixes that made us dance for our lives (thank you, Mr. Barry Harris), the original didn’t even have us reaching for the Gold or a dumbbell, for that matter. All meaning…we’re ready.

2.Because we’re about to relive that Left Shark life again soon….and it’s still so lovely. In less than a month, that sports game that Beyoncé continues to own (“Formation” from last year, anyone?) that also features those two teams, aka, the Super Bowl, will be taking over our lives once again. Of course, besides all of those commercials will come a Mary J. Blige style reminisce sesh of all of the halftime performances that rocked our worlds, including Ms. Perry’s 2015 live opus which was blessed with dancing palm trees and everyone’s favorite plushie bestie, Mr. Left Shark.

Now, in a year that’s looking to be oh, so serious (keep it light and frothy this year at halftime, Gaga…please), it’s nice to be reminded on how groovy and goofy Perry’s performance was and just how much we’re going to need something like that from the “California Gurls” songstress to keep us from this, that and the other thang.

How about…right now? Yas. 

3.Because a big ol’ flashy Katy Perry world tour is just what we need this year… Speaking of all of those delightfully bat shit crazy live stage antics provided by Katy, it looks she already has a big ol’ tour in the werks for this album, whenever it shall be served to us. And if you don’t believe the hype, peep her Twitter account and then patiently wait for her latest live music spectacle to come and take us away from the pain of like, life and stuff. Because it will and it’s coming, Dust off and gird those whipped cream bikinis, kids. 

4. Because Taylor Swift is also releasing her new album this year.. Really, what could be better than having shade throwing besties Ms. Perry and Ms. Swift both releasing their big “comeback” albums this year? Absolutely nothing. Pass the sunglasses, now, to block it all. Because it looks like we’re going to need them plus a few backup pairs. 

5. Because it’s just plain f@#king time.. Enough said. 

 

 Category: 5 Reasons Why

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