Good morning kids!
Yassss for Spring time and multi-colored poop from Unicorn Fraps thanks to Starbucks, and their insidious ploy to kill the gays with sugars they would normally never DARE consume!
That’s a major marketing success when gays won’t eat a bagel but they will drink the equivalent of three large snickers bars-just to get that IG selfie with that sugary Unicorn spectacle…
So while half the Gayborhood dies from diabetes just before summertime, the rest of you gay guys and gals can work off those extra ounces from wagging your fingers and screaming “YASSSSSSSS!” at all of these GAY-MAY-ZING shows and stunts! Remember kids-Pride will be here before you know it, so let the eating disorders begin. If you’re gonna binge ya better purge!
So instead of drinking dyed gmo’s pretending to be Unicorn blood and pissing off baristas with your shitty, basic bitch order-toss all those dollars to these queens who keep you entertained all through May!
And speaking of Pride-just wait for next month’s tea-with the GAYEST Pride Month A-Happenings and interviews with my gay galpals Bruce Yelk (on his Distrk C Pride Extravaganza) and my sister Hennastacia Beach!
But for now kiddies-get into these events-like Miss Justin Timberlake sings, “It’s gonna be MAYYYY!”
EVERY MONDAY/Queens and Quizzo
Girls you have not LIVED until you’ve tasted the fried chicken at this place! Their $5 drink menu gets you all warm and toasty, and their happy hour food menu (all under $10 with the best in Southern cuisine) fills even the biggest of big girls from 5-7pm. Then it’s QUIZZO time, featuring the girls from the monthly Drag Brunch-yours truly, Crystal Electra, and Navaya Shay-win $50 for the night, with a $500 grand prize coming in June!
7pm-9pm/Bourbon & Branch/705 N. 2nd St; (215) 238-0660
May 3/Nova Kane’s Side Effects
Miss Nova Kane serves prescription based performances with her sisters Aloe Vera, Satine Harlow, and Onyx Ondyx. I need pills just thinking about it! Come and play with these queens and there’s NO COVER! (More money for pills…)
7pm/Tabu-200 S. 12th St.
LiCK serves their annual nerdlesque show! From Star Wars to RHPS… all your nerdy and dirty little fantasies brought to life! Get to Tabu early for the best seats as this night fills up early!
Tabu/200 S. 12th St.
May 7/The Golden Gurlz Live at Paradise
The Golden Oldies are back at Paradise in Asbury with two, new HIGH-larious episodes! No one is safe as the “Henny Penny” and the “It’s a Miserable Life”episodes get a parody makeover by Pissi Myles, Bella Cane, Connor Michalchuk, Anne Allen, and everyone’s fave Bea Arthur-meeeee! Lots of audience participation and surprises all night long!
Paradise-101 Asbury Ave, Asbury Park, NJ/Check your Blanche life right here for more info
Cards Against Humanity w/Pissi Myles (May 9th, 23rd, 30th) and Bev! (May 16th)
Tuesdays at Tabu will show you just how deranged and demented the gayborhood minds can be when Pissi Myles and Bev host a month of Cards Against Humanity. Performances and cards flying from 9pm till your humanity is lost.
9 pm/Tabu/200 S. 12th St.
May 10/Pigs In A Blanket
Pissi Myles returns to Tabu for her monthly show of Pigs In A Blanket for a special weekday edition-take it from me kids-this SHOW IS FRIGGIN’ FUNNY AS F*UCK! Tons of audience participation and comedy parodies that’ll show you why this bitch tours all through the tri-state area! And there’s no cover which means you can shove more dollars down her blouse or get more tots here at Tabu-either one is win win.
9 pm/Tabu/200 S. 12th St
May 12/Golden Gurlz Live for Stonewall Sports
Catch the Golden Gurls Live at Tabu for a special night benefitting Stonewall Sports Philly! Two episodes plus Golden Gurlz trivia for prizes-hot boys, hot girls, and old ladies with hot flashes-it’s gonna be GAYYYYY! Seating is limited to get your tickets NOW QWEEN!
1030pm/Tabu-200 S. 12th St.
May 19/Porcelain’s DOOM
Philly’s queen of goth and gore brings all the cool kids to the yard for her monthly show-this night gets bigger and bigger every month with Philly’s Phaves lining up as her cast-bring your beautiful selves in early because this night is truly balls to the wall with industrial hotness.
9 pm/Tabu/200 S. 12th St.
May 19/Drag Me to Landmark
Astala Vista gets all the Joisey girls fist pumping at her monthly show at Landmark with Maddelyn Hatter, Maria Top Cat, Pissi Myles, Ritzy Bitz, and Sherry Pie.
Tickets available at www.DragMeToLandmark.com until they sell out-which they normally do-so grab em now!
9pm/Landmark/1 Mullica Hill Rd Glassboro, NJ
May 21/Drag Sale For Attic Youth
Mistor Fahrenheit holds his annual drag sale to raise money for Attic Youth. This sale always has the best in costuming, shoes, and jewelry for everyone that has that inner drag queen just waiting to bust out. New queen on the scene or an early shopper for Beauty Ball-this is your place to be for one-stop drag shopping featuring stuff from all your favorite local performers! (Anything from Satine Harlow has been sanitized for your health and safety…)
1pm/Tabu-200 S. 12th St.
May 21/Divas at 7pm at A’s Place
Drag Mafia invades A’s Place Restaurant & Lounge in Manyunk w/Navaya Shay, Dusty Relix, Royal Rehrig, Maria Top Catt, and Thom Sirkot-serving you all of your favorite divas and celebrity male impersonations-live singing, comedy, dinner, and drinks-what more do ya want? A new venue and new stomping ground for “da family” for your Sunday Funday! Hosted by yours truly so you know what it’s gonna be? It’s gonna be GAYYYYYYYYYY!
7pm/A’s Place/3720 Main St., Manayunk
May 25/Guac Off 2017 for MANNA (Metropolitan Area Neighborhood Nutrition Alliance)
Unlimited guac from all of the area’s best restaurants and food trucks? Unlimited chips with that guac? And drinks served by the hotties of Morgan’s Pier? HELLZ YEAH! Join MANNA and their team of supporters for this annual guac competition with local celebrity judges-I can’t wait to host this one-Imma need something in a five way stretch please…This event will sell out so hurry up and be ready to munch!
5pm/Morgan’s Pier/221 N Christopher Columbus Blvd
May 27/Bev’s Bitchfest
Bev goes all “Love, American Style” for her Memorial Day show with special guests NYC’s Marti Gould Cummings, Bingo Diva Anita Manhattan, and everyone favorite rice bowl Zsa Zsa St. James. Come support this lady before she starts working the streets to feed her wig addiction!
9pm/Tabu/200 S. 12th St
May 28/Drag Brunch at Bourbon and Branch
If you think the menu for Quizzo was gay, wait till you try this Southern breakfast cuisine for brunch! Shows and stunts by my Drag Mafia fam-my kid Navaya Shay, the Senator Crystal Electra, and my recently adopted chawld Omyra Lynn. This is seriously the most fun brunch in town and we pack the kids in every month-tables sell out quickly, so hurry it up Mary! Doors open 11:30am and shows start at noon-but if anything, you gotta meet Dj Jake P.I.I.M.B. Come and ask me what that stands for, and then see how pretty he is in person 🙂
11 am/Bourbon & Branch/705 N. 2nd St
This month’s tea spotlight is all about 2 Queers and a Bitch-coming to Tabu THIS SUNDAY, April 30, for two shows at 6pm and 8pm. This star-studded show blows through Philly for one night only, with funny lady Robbyne Kaamil, who I met while we both worked at the infamous ProBar at Resorts Casino in Atlantic City, the hilarious Ike Avelli, and my drag sister-Atlantic City’s own Lady Labelle. This show is all sketch comedy, music, and audience participation-with surprises from Naked Sword (Porn) and WeedLips!!! (Who are they-well you have to come to the show and find out!) I had a really gay chat with Robbyne and Ike, for a little tea for the kids…
How did the two queers collide with the bitch? Give us some background on each of you…. Ike: I’ve always wanted to perform since I first seen The Carol Burnett Show in the 70’s. I didn’t get the chance to pursue my dream till I was 44. I started out performing at open mics in 2010 around the country and from there I began writing producing and starring in my own shows, which are Variety Based. Robbyne: I am the official advice diva for Playgirl and also have a monthly column in DNA Magazine, Australia’s top gay publication. I have been making people laugh since I got out of diapers. Or perhaps I was still in them. I have known Ike for years and always wanted to work with him. When I created 2 Queers and a Bitch he was the first one I called to work with me on this.
Tell us a little about the show’s concept….Robbyne: When we connected, we knew we wanted to do something different. We decided we wanted to do a show that when people walk away, they tell their friends and want to see it again. So we combine Comedy/Music/Sketch and Videos in our shows and the most important thing is Audience Participation.
At the end of the night, what message are you hoping people will get from your performances? Robbyne: We hope that we lift the spirits of everyone who attends our shows. My grandmother used to say that sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. In this current climate of economic uncertainty, racial disparity and social divide many tears have been shed. If we can help eliminate some of that pain if only for one hour it may help get someone through the day and give them the strength to hang the fuck on.
Yesssss gawd-this show is NOT to be missed! For advanced tickets go right here and check out their Facebook page right here and after you do all of that, head, um, straight to this fabulous Huffington Post article right here.
And once again…..2 Queers and a Bitch-6pm & 8pm, Sunday April 30th/Tabu/200 South 12th St./Tabu/200 S. 12th St
Be sure to check out these 2 Queers and a Bitch, as well as all of these other queers and bitches for their GAY-MAY-ZING events! Have a drag event you wanna see on “All the Drag Tea?” Hit me up Qween! I print ‘em if I get ‘em! Message me on my facebook page “The Vaginally Challenged Brittany Lynn” or at email@example.com!
That’s all the tea for now kids-keep on sippin’!
Love and lashes,