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All the December Drag Tea w/ Brittany Lynn

Good morning kids!

And holy winter solstice-how the hell is it December already? That time again to get in gear for all of your favorite, pagan holidays…and to let your boss know what religious background you are in order to get that holiday vaca and time off from work!

As you know and probably hate, Jews like me celebrate Hanukah for eight days and get a gift for each day. So we require A LOT of time off. And yeah the holiday seems to fall on different days each year, but that’s only because we all meet up and decide when it would be the most inconvenient days to celebrate for everyone around us that isn’t Jewish. But don’t be jealous or mad, we always get shitty gifts while everyone else is waking up to brand new Xboxes. That’s our thing-you can’t have it all can ya…

But whether you light candles, celebrate Jesus’ birthday, read some hadith about Ramadan, or give your evil kids to the Krampus, December gives us a lot of parties, food, and the biggest night of drinking-New Year’s Eve. And with the good comes the bad-the “All I Want for Xmas is You” performance that is gay law mandatory for every drag show through the entire month (ahem NAVAYA SHAY-but congrats on becoming Miss Tabu 2016!). But the good is that I’m back from Dragcation and back to working’ dem streets and bars again-and so are a whole bunch of other dragons! So here’s a list of the buzz and what’s a happenin’ for December! Yep a Jesus Christ Superstar reference-it’s the holidays! Make it nice and come see the tree!

Dec. 3rd-Code Red 7pm @ The Theater of Living Arts
In 2008, I met a timid (and thin haha), little boy who was hired to be my backup dancer for Shampoo’s Boy Bar. We quickly bonded and he became one of my gay children. Now he has grown into one of the city’s most beloved drag queens and a powerhouse in the lgbt fundraising community-the diva known as Cherry Pop.

Last night, Cherry and Brandon Bartlieb–the producers of what has grown into one of the biggest charity events of the year–put on the 4th annual Code Red event in which themselves and many, many fabulous queens from across the local land came together and raised $16, 000  (surpassing their goal of $10,000) for Mazzoni Center and AIDS Fund!

You betta werk, ladies! Already can’t wait to see what next year will bring!

Before last night’s earth shattering event, I had a few minutes to chat with Cherry Pop and get the scoop on it all, which you can absolutely revel in right here on PhillyDragMafia.com….

Now, let’s get ready to ho, ho, ho it up to this dazzling display of December local drag shenanigans served up by yours truly…

Dec. 4-Miss Icandy Pageant at 8pm at Icandy Come and play with me and Miss Icandy 2016 Aloe Vera as we take the crown off her head and put the title of Miss Icandy onto a new diva who will represent Icandy in 2017 and get to march with the Miss Fancy Brigade on New Year’s Day! Make it gay! Icandy-254 S. 12th St.; (267) 324-3500

Dec. 7-Release party for the Morris Animal Refuge’s Fierce and Furry 2017 Calendar at 6pm @ Tabu
Twelve of the gayborhood’s favorite leading ladies have joined up with Morris Animal Refuge to create a fundraising calendar, “Fierce & Furry”! And most of us shaved for the photoshoot so you will hopefully be able to tell the queens from the adoptable furry babies in this GAYMAYZING calendar! Come by and grab a copy before they sell out! Makes a great ChrismaKwanzaHanukah gift for gays of all ages! Tabu-200 S 12th St.; (215) 964-9675

Dec. 9-Fish Tank at 9pm @ Tabu
Ariel Versace has cast her fish net out and pulled in a great group of fishy queens for this month’s holiday show-Anita Manhattan, Roxi Starr, Chasity St. Cartier, and Pheadra Phaded all parade around the tank this month! Tabu-200 S 12th St,; (215) 964-9675

Dec. 9th-Glitter and Garbage at 7pm @ L’Etage.
Shannon Turner serves, “Cabaret Realness with a side of angst and a filthy mouth”. With five dollars of every cover going to benefit The Trevor Project (Preventing Suicide among LGBTQ+ youth), Kevin Lutz on the piano, and special guest Mistor Fahrenheit performing, L’Etage is going to fill up quick-so grab an early seat kids! And be ready for Miss Turner’s mouth-she’s been known to make truck drivers blush.
$ 12 cover. 
L’Etage-624 S 6th St.; (215) 592-0656

Dec. 11-Golden Gurlz Live at 7pm @ Tabu
Golden Gurlz returns to Tabu after two sold out shows! This month, catch the Gurlz holiday episode-AND-a murder mystery episode-with guest star Angela Landsbury as Jessica Fletcher! (*Note: Angela Landsbury will not be there but we have the next best thing…) The murder mystery episode in very interactive so get seats up close to the stage if you wanna be a part of the show! My gay galpals Pissi Myles, Connor Michalchuk, Bella Cane, Aeryanah Von Moi, and Anne Allen return to reprise their famous roles (and then some) in this improv production of some of the Golden Gurlz funniest moments.  Tabu-200 S 12th St,; (215) 964-9675

Dec. 15-Xmas Kinky Quizzo at 10:30pm @ Valanni!
My big, gay ass gets extra kinky hosting a night of Kinky Quizzo. What makes it kinky and holiday? You should see what I do with the drinks and appetizers before they reach your table…Come anyway-and win some amazing kinky gifts to make any Scrooge loosen up this holiday season! Valanni-1229 Spruce St, (215) 790-9494

Dec. 16-Very Sherry Xmas at 7pm @ Tabu!
This show was a big one on my holiday list-I had to put out early for Santa this year-and ALL HIS DWARVES. It was actually pretty fun! But who doesn’t want to see two gay Jews perform holiday material? Iconic, drag legend Sherry Vine joins myself, Ariel Versace, and comedienne extraordinaire Martha Salzman-Gay and Di the Comedian Hargrove. (You will want to see Di play Bill Cosby as we sing our rendition of “Baby it’s Cold Outside…”) Catch Sherry Vine on gaySVTV on YouTube for her collection of HIGH-larious videos and classics such as “Shit My Pants!” (Bad Romance parody). If you’re a cheap ass like myself and have Hulu instead of cable, check out her cable show, “She’s Living for this!”

For the first time in the twenty years or so I have known Miss Vine, I was able to distract her and wrench the cock out of her mouth for a brief period of time, and ask her a few questions. Here’s what she had to say until she overpowered me and went back to work…

BL:You have had a long and GAYmayzing drag career spanning centuries! As one of the original NYC premier queens, what’s the secret to keeping up with the two million new drag queens that have flooded the market since drag race began?
Sherry: LOL! Yes, back during the Ming Dynasty it was easier to draw a crowd – less competition! But now that anyone can put on a wig and be a drag star lol, But I just keep doing what i do and hope people want to see it. I’ve always been a hard worker and I still love it soooo much!!

BL:Parodies seem to be your forte-do the lyrics just flow naturally to you? What’s your process as to which parodies go to your stage performance rather than the ones that you produce into one of your infamous YouTube videos?
Sherry: I have literally been writing parodies my entire life – even before Sherry Vine. I used to rewrite the songs to the musicals we were doing in high school. So I guess it does come naturally and I’m demented. lol. Some parodies come out very easily and I can write one in 3 minutes. But sometimes it can take days or weeks! If it’s a song that’s a big hit and I want to write a parody it can be involved. Especially a rap song like my new Nicki Minaj parody of Hey Mama – it’s a lot of words and rhyming. And trust me, for everyone that’s a “hit” there are 10 that flop!! Lol. I audition a lot of new material at my weekly show in NYC so when people see me out of town, like Philly, they luckily get the ones that have passed inspection!

BL:Speaking of videos, tell the kids about SVTV and how that came about?
Sherry: gaySVTVworld is the brainchild of me and my creative business partner Josh Rosenzweig. We have worked together for over 20 years. He was the director of our theatre company Theatre Couture and he produced/directed my variety show She’s Living For This on Here TV. We wanted to create more content that was all LGBTQ and drag and own 100% of it so we re-branded my YouTube channel. It’s amazing to me how many people work so hard on it and all the content is free. It’s the gay Netflix but free! lol. Our next big project is Oy To The World – 8 new music parody videos by 8 different directors, one for each night of Hanukkah!
BL:I see “She’s Living For This!” on Hulu-any chance of us seeing more Sherry Vine coming back to cable?
Sherry: Honestly, that show was my all time life-long dream come true! We definitely want to do something like that next year!! So many people have been commenting on it and seeing it on Hulu – praise goddess! Tabu, 200 South 12th St,

Dec 16th-Drag Me to Landmark:Holiday ExDRAGvaganza:Landmark Americana Glassboro Astala Vista brings all the kids up to Joisey for a night of holiday queers. This little spitfire has grown into such an amazing performer and host and can hold her own with the big girls! Special guests include Vinchelle, Pissi Myles, and Miss Terra Hyman. This place-much like my uterus-packs em in and fills up quickly-get your tickets before the show and tell em Brittany sent ya-I’ll be there with the kids in January! 1 Mullica Hill Road, Glamssboro, NJ, (856) 863-6600

Dec. 17-Therapy Not Included at 9pm/Front Street Dive
Brought to you by Sinnamon’s Spice Rac and hosted by Mistor Fahrenheit, this night of burlesque is a “burlesque show of ruined childhoods”. Ugh, I hear ya sister! I couldn’t even speak when they cancelled “Dancin on Air” and “Punky Brewster’. You can’t even find those on Amazon! Front Street Dive-10 S Front St.

Dec. 21-VERA Xmas Show at 9pm at VERA!
VERA has become a hot showcase for the queens over in Jersey! The now infamous, monthly event is having its first holiday show-so show some holiday spirit by drinking some holiday spirits, and expect a fist bump or two with some high high by both the queens and the audience members. Hey-it’s Cherry Hill-whaddaya expect? Hosted by Ariel Versace, with performances by Maria Top Catt, Chasity St. Cartier, and meeee Brittany Lynn! Sit on our laps and tell us what ya want in your stocking this year 2310 Marlton Pike W, Cherry Hill, NJ.; (856) 486-1001

Dec. 24-The Nondenominational Super Fun HoliGAY Show! At 9pm @ Tabu!
The Gayborhood’s gayest gaggle of gays gather together to celebrate all the weirdness of the HoliGays. Join Aurora Whorealis, Eric Jaffe, and Abowla Dix and they celebrate ALL the holidays-just without the annoying family and extravagant gift giving. Well I’m sure Aurora has some things she can pass onto you-shes the gift that keeps on giving. You may need a shot after…of penicillin. But it’s fine because there’s no cover! So come on out and play and make it nice! Tabu, 200 South 12th Street, (215) 

Well that’s all for now kids-everyone have a safe and blessed holiGAY. Make it nice and come see my tree! It’s at Macy’s on the third floor…

Love and lashes,
Brittany Lynn

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ALL the Drag Tea w/Brittany Lynn

Hey,Qween!

It’s Philly’s Phavorite drag Momma, The “Vaginally Challenged” Brittany Lynn, giving you the first sip of my new, monthly column for Philly Mixtape called, ALL the Drag Tea…because some sites serve you reviews of shows that already happened, and some blogs just seem to feature the close friends of the writer…

Soooo….not to be shady (whaddaya mean, too late?) but the Gay Hood needed an all-inclusive column to feature everyone’s hullabaloo. And who better to pour out the deets than this broad, who is celebrating two decades of Philly showgirl staying power in 2016! Most of my friends shoot me shady screen shots of everyone’s biz throughout the day anyway (gotta love my gay girlfriends keeping their talons all over social media), so half of my job was done before I even hit my laptop.

So check back each month, and sip on this tea, with my teabag of the month (our featured drag event) and a “Quickie with Brittany” interview with the gal stirring up that event.

And listen up, qween….if you have something coming up and want it featured, shoot me a message at thedragmafia@gmail.com and I’ll spread it all over the community, like so many other things I have spread before. And remember…keep it cute, kids…

So here’s what going down (besides most of the girls listed in this column) for September. For the full flyer to these events, check out the drag calendar here: September’s Shows N Stunts courtesy of Phillydragmafia.com! (See how I worked that in there!) 

Alma Mater
-Sept. 18-Drag Brunch with Vinchelle Shae Buttah Werk, Noon
Often mistaken on the street for Beyonce, this Drag Wars winner kicks off your Sunday with a high-energy brunch show-so why did she book me as her special guest? Who can say in these crazy times? I’m thinking about showing up! (Love you Vinchelle xo)
Alma Mater, 7165 Germantown Ave.

Benchwarmers
-Sept 17-The Sutton Fearce Show, 8pm
Sutton Fearce takes time off from football practice to host the Northeast’s only drag show with her roomie and song belter Katie Mae and the usual list of suspects: Bev, Mimi, and one of our favorites Astala LaVista. Coming from someone who grew up in the Northeast, all I can say is that it explains a lot about Sutton.
Benchwarmers, 2676 Bridge St.

Bob and Barbara’s
-Every Thursday Night, 11pm
Philly’s longest running show celebrating over twenty years with their hostess Lisa Lisa-“a girl so nice they named her twice”. Shake your ass on stage for a Bob & Barbara’s shirt and a shot, catch a different gaggle of girls every week, and listen to Miss Lisa try and pronounce your name-it’s always a great time!
Bob & Barbara’s, 1509 South St.

Franky Bradley’s
-Sept. 2 and First Friday Every Month-Franky Foxes, 9:30pm
This amazingly talented group of ladies is giving you a “Back To School” themed show. From their performances I know they all went to dance class, but seeing texts from Maria TopCatt, I’m sure she skipped English.
-Sept. 18-Late Night cabaret, 9pm-NO COVER!
I’ll be hosting a “Too Funny/Too Filthy” musical talent contest with a cash prize courtesy of Scott Johnston and singing horribly inappropriate things alongside my special guest Eric Jaffe!
-Sept. 28th and Last Wednesday Every Month-Agitated, 9pm
My favorite leading lady and sex goddess Honeytree EvilEye teams up with Pilar Salt to present “a group of the most innovative and ballsy artists in Philly to pick a social/political issue that impacts them and make a piece about it”. It gets ridiculous and always on point at this monthly show.
Franky Bradley’s, 1320 Chancellor St.

Icandy
-Sept. 1-All Stars Drag Race Viewing Party
Icandy is bringing the divas to Philly to represent all month long for their Drag Race All Stars viewing parties. Hosted by Mistor Fahrenheit with Special guest Tatianna
-Sept. 4th-White Party
Wear that white outfit before Labor Day and avoid the queens reading your fashion choices after the holiday. Hosted by Nebraska Thunderfuck and Derrick Barry!
-Third Thursday of every month-Petty Thursdays
Chasity St. Cartier, the queen of petty von pettiness, searches for “the most petty, bitchy and downright harshest performance” to will win the biggest booking fee of the night! If you can out petty Chasity, I’m scare o’ you girl…
-Sept. 21st-Coco Montrese
Catch one of the greatest talents to come out of Drag Race live and in person-and bring the coins to tip cuz this gal can twirl like no other!
Icandy, 254 S.12th St.; for start times, check out clubIcandy.com 

Knock
-Every Wednesday Night-Karaoke Wednesdays with Iris Spectre, 10:30pm
Join Iris every week and sing some tunes. Please do-it stops her from singing. Get there early to grab a seat-this place gets packed with drags and their family every week!
Knock, 225 South 12th St.

Mooselounge
-Sept. 17-Women of the Moose Show, 6pm
If you happen to be out in New Jersey, catch this Philly invasion! Hosted by Donna Ria, and featuring the hysterical Pissi Myles, our fave fortune cookie Lady Geisha, the supreme diva La Tina, the Goddess Isis, and London.
North Hudson Moose Lodge-Chapter 810, 6118, Newkirk Ave., New Bergen, Nj.

Tabu
-Sept. 4th-Tommy’s Girls, 7pm
This annual MS benefit comes to Tabu with its host- the “Senator of the Gayborhood” Crystal Electra and special guests from around the gay hood coming together to raise coins for the upcoming MS Walk.
-Every Thursday-All Stars Viewing Party and Talented Ta-Tas with Navaya Shay, 8pm
Join Navaya Shay for the Drag Race All Stars viewing party on Tabu’s big screens, then stick around as she hosts a weekly talent contest for new as well as seasoned performers. If you want to get a performance slot, hit her up and win some $$$. Just don’t ask her to do math. She’s blonde, so very, very blonde.
-Sept. 9-Fish Tank, 9pm
Ariel Versace’s monthly show serves up the catch of the day-and a lot of the jersey Shore hairstyles-with Miss Troy, Maria TopCatt, Lady Geisha, and Satine Harlow.
-Sept. 23-Showgirl Showcase, 9pm
Four hostesses giving you four different shows in one night! Stick around and catch each set full of performances, contests, and tons of alcohol-with NO COVER ALL NIGHT LONG! Honeytree EvilEye, Icon Ebony Fierce and her ferocious vogue tracks, everyone’s favorite songstress Brittany Marie, and a surprise guest kick off this monthly show.

-Sept. 24-Bev’s Bitchfest, 9pm
Bev and her friends present a hilarious show with all the topics everyone is bitching about-like watching the View but they don’t worry about offending the audience-featuring Lili St. Queer, Vinchelle, Dusty Relix, Khaki Capri, Sutton Fearce, Anita Manhattan, and Juicy Liu from NYC’s So You Think You Can Drag Cycle 6

Sept. 27thThe Show, 9pm
The Show comes to Tabu! Performers pitch their shows and talents in this competition-hosted by season one winner Shannon Turner with yours truly and Bev at the judges table! Kind of like Shark Tank, but really gay.

-Every Sunday-Sinful Sundays, 10pm
The sisters of sin start your week off sinning in case you spent too much time at church! And there’s no cover so you can drink more!
Tabu, 200 S. 12th St., Tabuphilly.com

 

Tavern on Camac

-Every Thursday-Gaybil, 10pm Cleo Phatra really bangs out the Broadway in this live, cabaret show featuring different guests every week. I wanna come and sing some Miss Saigon, but only if she makes me one of her patented Disco-monos! Tavern on Camac, 243 S. Camac St.

Valanni
-Every Tuesday Night-Kinky Quizzo, 10pm
Come play Kinky Quizzo with hostess Aloe Vera every week to win $100 worth of sex toys. If the questions make you horny, $5 drink specials and $5 guac takes the guessing out of bottoming later. However, the most fun part of the night is listening Aloe try and read the questions.
Valanni, 1229 Spruce St.

Voyeur

-Sept. 8-Drag Wars Finale, 10:30pm
Judge Ariel Versace says this night is not to be missed as Anita Manhattan, Miss Troy, Abowla Dix, Estella Sweet, Anna Rexia, and Francesca St. Cartier fight for the crown of this season’s Drag Wars. Brooklyn Ford and Bev will be sitting at the judge’s table giving so much side eye they can see everyone in the club all at the same time. And there’s free bologna sandwhiches after you’ve had a few shots.
Voyeur, 1221 St. James St.

And now our favorite favorite cup of tea!

September’s Spotlight:-Sept. 24-Miss’d America, 8:30pm
This legendary pageant that began at Atlantic City’s infamous Studio Six Dance Club and Resort-as a parody of Miss America-now takes over the runway at the Borgata. Hosted by Carson Kressley, Miss’d America brings girls from all over the nation to compete for the title and SERVE. And just like Highlander, there can only be one. Watch out kids, the nails come out-but all for a good cause. Judges include PGN Publisher Mark Segal, former Miss’d America (the bitch beat me haha) and designer Morgan Wells, a who’s who of Atlantic City royalty, and Robert Sandy Beach, who helped create the Miss’d America Pageant in its beginnings. In my mind, this is the ONLY pageant to see and be seen at-Fifi DuBois gives up her title as Miss’d America 2015.
The Borgata; 1 Borgata Way, Atlantic City, NJ.

A Quickie with Brittany
I had a moment to chat with Fifi about her reign, and all the feels of snatching the title of Miss’d America. Here is what she had to say:

B: Miss’d America gets contestants from all over the country. And each girl has her personal reasons to enter such a wild pageant. What was your motivation to enter?
Fifi: I entered my first year because I was finishing a six month contract on a cruise and I wanted to come back with a bang! But the 2 consecutive years after that I competed I came back because I had an absolute blast! It is so rewarding to perform on such a large stage, for such an incredible audience, and in a pageant with such great production value!

B: We sold out last year! And that audience is a dream-they are with you every step of the pageant! Now girl, Miss’d America is truly unlike any other pageant presented today. What was your best experience of the night?
Fifi: That moment when they called my name because of course we’re our own worst critics and I had gone over everything that had gone wrong and thought there was no way it was me. I was honestly so shocked and Dumbfounded.

B: Girl you danced your ass off that night-you deserved it! And now you get to sit with all of us former winners and watch the new crop of gals each year. At Miss’d America, we truly are a family. The best time is in the dressing room with all of these old bitties. So let me ask you, what are three things every Miss’d America should have in her purse?
Fifi: Your business card, because any meeting could be a business meeting. Also a cd or usb because any opportunity to perform is worth the exposure with very few exceptions.And a “SHEmergency kit” filled with drag essentials i.e. Duct tape, a powder puff, condoms…etc.

B: And lastly, what advice do you have for this year’s crop of contestants?
Fifi: Make the most of your year, create your own opportunities, and carry this title with a heavy heart and an open one. But most important have Fun, you won Gurl!!!

There you have it kids-ALL THE TEA-and then some. This was a lot, now I gotta go lay down. See you all out and about! Remember make every day a little bit gayer and throw some damn glitter on it…

Love and lashes,
                            Brittany Lynn