At this point in her two decade lasting career, what can anybody really say about Britney Spears besides the fact that girlfriend has done–and been–through it all.
Since her ’98 debut single, “…Baby One More Time,” Godney has been a schoolgirl, a red leather-ed catsuit-ed up tweenage space vixen, a jungle princess with a python named Banana, made out and went against the music with Madonna, served us iconic moves for all of music eternity, shaved her head, lost her shit/life, made us see the music light with Blackout, brought us into her Circus and took us on her Femme Fatale owned dance floor.
And then there’s “Ooh La La,” Britney Jean and “Pretty Girls.”
Not to mention, she’s had countless gentlemen suitors (ahem, JT) and two failed marriages–Jason Alexander and KFed, the latter of whom is baby daddy to Brit Brit’s two sons, Jayden James and Sean Preston, the sole reasons why she’s currently workin’ hard and bein’ a Las Vegas reigning momma.
And now, Ms. Britney Bitch has her own Emoji. So, is there anything left?
There most certainly is and that’s evidently clear in Spears’ ravenous ninth studio set, Glory, a bedroom ready romp that’s silky, smooth and the most important part–the diva’s first solid pop record (plus, she’s having fun again, kids!) in years, which more than proves that she’s got plenty of pop starlet prowess to go around.
The first thing that should be dually noted is that gone are those hardcore “Work Bitch” beats that we’ve come to know and love from Godney (besides..EDM is like so 2014, right Ms. Grande’s “Break Free?), and in their place is a buffet of slow popped beats, which are provided mostly by producers Mattman & Robin (Selena Gomez, Nick Jonas)that perfectly accompany Britney’s breathy coo-s and come hither sighs. In fact, her voice has never sounded more confident (you listening, Demi?) and more ready than ever before. By the way, if you’re still bothered by the fact Britney will never be a strong singer, get out of 1998 because you’re still all up in it. We know this, man.
Among the Glory highlights is the welcoming synthe-d up opener, “Invitation” the far out, “Man on the Moon” and the rasta-fied “Slumber Party” will make you want to pass it to the left and then get it done all night long. And although very similarly titled, the Gomez-esque “Just Like Me” and true standout, “Just Luv Me” are two tracks we’re glad those other gals didn’t take on because they’re all wrapped in Brit Brit’s one-of-a-kind sassy style.
There’s also lead single “Make Me,” which will make you werk both in and out of the bedroom, as will the slinky “Love Me Down,” and the jazzy “Private Show,” that is if you can forget the fact that Britney’s voice has never sounded so ridiculously nasally on a track, but because of the mid-tempo tone of the album, somehow it all makes sense. Now pull those curtain closed, bitch…we’ve got some work to do.
Of course, since this is our beloved dance floor savior we’re spilling about here, she’s still mighty thirsty to take us way out on that coveted dance floor of life (but not too parched…thank the fucking Godney queens above for that), with the solar powered “Clumsy” and “Do You Wanna Come Over?,” which are already more than ripe for the pickin'(y’all) for the legendary diva’s Piece of Me spectacle, which we’re certain will most likely run until the year 2056.
But if you’re still not convinced as to why you should welcome Glory onto your Labor Day weekend playlists and beyond, listen to the gospel tinged (yes, you read that correctly) “What You Need” the electrified “Coupere Electrique” (that’s French, right?) and the “La Isla Bonita” channeling, “Change Your Mind(No Seas Cortes).” While, yas, all three are a little bit out there, but each Godney groove still proves that the pop princess we longed to have back into our lives after going through..all of that...has finally like Ms. Ce Ce god damn Peniston returned to reclaim her pop music crown…and then some.
You may slip into Ms. Britney Spears’ ninth studio album, Glory, right about…now.