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6 Reasons Why We’re $o Ready to Toast All of Our Pink Rosé to the 9th Season of ‘RHOBH’

“Deceitful.” 

Yes, that was the fancy mug shatter heard across the daytime T.V. world and beyond when the most fabulous Kyle Richards was asked to sum up the impending (drama filled!) 9th season of ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills‘ on a recent morning sit with Live with Kelly and Ryan

And anyone who’s seen the trailer (how many times have you watched today?) certainly knows by know that some xxxpensive drama and shit is indeed about to go down….and it all stiletto steps into our wanna be luxxxurious lives tonight at 9 pm on Bravo

Because, let’s face it, when it comes to this group of fabulous California gurls–Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, Erika Jayne, Teddi Cougar Mellencamp Ryan, Denise Richards(!!), Dorit “Beverly Beach” Kemsley, and of course, Ms. Lisa “let’s-talk-about-your-arrest” Rinna (more wigs and table dancing this season, please), we’re just so ready to cash in all of our checks and get down with them not just on the Louboutin served dance floor of life, but in our continued fantasies to be just like them…because we really, really want to be. 

So, here’s six reasons why we’re beyond fucking ready to toast all of our life savings and fancy pink Rosé to what’s going to be a most “deceitful” and most fabulous 9th season of ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.’ 

1.Hello, Denise Richards… Is she?? Isn’t she?? O….m…..f…..g….she is!! Yas, when the news was served that the Charlie Sheen survivor/Wild Things icon (and robbed of all the awards, thank you very much) was joining the BH beauties, kweens across the Bravo universes were glittered with delight that we might get a tea as to what Neve Campbell was like filming that scene that we shall mention here because this article is too gay to function for that.

While it looks like we might not get a shattered mug of an answer to that elusive question, we do know that Denise has arrived, and already has the girls drooling (right, Ms. Erika?) over her scruff-alicious new husband, Aaaron Phypers. Plus, she’s got xxxpensive beef with Kim!! Yes. Oh, and the moment in the trailer Mizz Richards emerges from the ocean (not so) subtly referencing Wild Things with a nod to Christmas Jones, the “nuclear physicist” she played in The World is Not Enough? Even more priceless than having us believing she was actually a...nuclear physicist. Either way, welcome Denise Richards, we’re just, like, beyond f@#king ready for your arrival. Let’s toast her up. 

2.The rise of Teddi? All Meghan McCain feuds aside (spilled tea is spilled tea…let’s leave it in season eight, please), Meg Ryan’s stepdaughter had a not-so-fancy first season with the ladies. When Dorit wasn’t constantly telling Teddi how busy she always was (sips tea), it was clear that some of the gals had a hard time actually believing in her work as an accountability coach.

Listen, ALL…..any strong woman (and Mom to two precious ones!!) who helps other people get their shit together always better betta. But, yes, sigh…Teddi had a hard time fitting in…but then comes her “deceitful” season 9 sidekick, Kyle Richards??? According to that trailer and to Ms. Jayne, the two are accused of being in kahouts with one another about something, and from the looks of it in Teddi and Kyle’s (most likely buzzed) faces, she may be right. And if you put your diamond encrusted spectacles on and take an even closer look, Teddi is seen quite a bit taking a seat right next to Kyle so something must be up. Hmmm, maybe Teddi will be, um, accountable for the most shade thrown in season 9? We’re already looking at our watches in anticipation to it all. Oh, and Ms. Mellencamp‘s delish husband, Edwin?? He better betta as well…ay dios mio. See you tomorrow night, boo! We got you, Teddi. 

3.So…many….”Friends”….!!!!  Camille! Brandi! Kim! Holy shit! Who’s next, Adrienne? Yolanda?? Carlton??? Actually, no, these three RHOBH legends–aka “now friends of the housewives”–will be just enough to stir up the cauldron of drama that’s no doubt boiling over in the trailer. Now, we all know that Denise has an xxxpensive weave to pull with Kim, but did you see the shade (or Botox?) on Ms. Richard’s face when Brandi announced her grand “friends” return at one of the 75 parties we see the gals at? And seriously, how could you not love Camille after what she went through with The Beast in season 1? And our Bravo hearts are still broken for our beloved “fucking liar” after she lost her entire world in the Malibu fires late last year. Love all of you, gurls. 

But what the million dollar diamonds really shine bright to is the fact that we love each of these three BH stunners like our very own bitches (right, Brandi?), and we can’t wait to be reacquainted with all of the Beverly Hills friends and ladies tonight! Now, let’s watch the trailer one more time…because we must. 

4.What was that piece of paper Ms. Vanderpump has in her hand….right now??!!! So, back to that trailer because 156,654 times is never enough. While it looks like the Dorit vs. Lisa scandal (make your shade right here) is going to be the drama award snatcher of the season, we have no idea if it’s spelled, err, printed out on that piece of paper that Ms. Vanderpump is boldly holding up for all of us not to gasp over. We also see Lisa not calling Dorit a bitch (she does) right after the paper is served into our xxxpensive meme ready minds, so maybe that soon-to-be Smithsonian worthy shred of evidence will be the eye of this diva hurricane that’s a’comin.’

So, what do you think that piece of paper is? Beverly Beach’s financial statement? A wanted poster for Frederick? Lisa and Ken’s pre-nup? We need to know..now. Okay, we can wait until the season does splits out tonight…no, wait….we can’t….because the proof of what a ride season 9 is going to be is in that piece of paper and we’re more than ready to read it and take shade heaving notes in our pink notebooks. Ready? Yaaaaaas. 

5.All drama aside….it’s all about survival for the gals this season….While we’re simply dying to know just what Kyle Richards reaction was after she found out American Woman was canceled (why did no one watch??), we also learn how she picked up the pieces after that devastating robbery at her new estate. As spilled earlier, we also learn how Camille shines through after the fire, but even more pearl clutching than that will be how Lisa deals with recovering from the suicide of her brother, Mark

The Vanderpump Rules sorceress recently said on WWHL with AC that filming the season was certainly not easy (all Dorit and Kyle drama aside…right, Ken?), but like the champion she is, our favorite little dog lover got through it with flying colors. And as far as season 10(!!!!!!) is concerned, Ms. Vanderpump is rumoured to be…returning, which further proves that she among the rest of the ladies are true survivors, and perhaps that’s the number one reason why we just love them so much. Oh, wait..it is. Now, raise that fancy glass to season 9. 

6.Do you really need another reason?? Seriously, it looks like we’re absolutely going to have more than enough slices of RHOBH luxurious life and xxxpensive diva drama on the way than most of our just re-strung pearls may be ready to be clutched for. So, now is time to crack open the Roset, cases of pink Veuve Clicquot and pop those corks, because are fierce, fabulous ladies of Beverly Hills are about to set a fancy stiletto into our lives once again and it’s time to feel all sorts of xxxpensive and ready….and girl, are we ever.

See you tonight, ladies! 

 

 

 

For many more bougie (and most xxxpensive) beats like this, hop on board Philly Mixtape‘s first class pop culture plane right here and here

‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ cover photo courtesy of Bravo 

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5 Reasons Why We Could All Use (A Little) More Kylie Minogue in Our Lives

If you’ve noticed that the fabulous people in your life are feelin’ a bit more fierce and yaaaas this weekend, it’s because Aussie pop disco diva Kylie Minogue just released her country-kissed fourteenth studio album, Golden, yesterday (tap here) to the delight of headphones all across the globe. 

Well, almost all of them.

Because you see when it comes to the exceptional four-decade career of Ms. Kylie, it’s a tricky one.

As much as she’s regarded across the shimmering as a true disco queen, a legend, an unstoppable force that’s owned every music chart she’s danced and pranced on…..

………here?

Well, not so much.

With the exception of a pair of breakthrough Billboard Hot 100 singles (we’ll get to them…calm down, kween) and straight ownership of the Billboard dance charts, the mainstream music market hasn’t been so kind to the iconic groove-filled goddess.

And dare we say…she’s a tad bit underrated over here? Yes, it’s very pearl clutching.

But not to worry, because we now get to revel in all things Mizz Minogue and convince not just those who aren’t on board her caboose, but to those who’ve stepped into her world in the late ’80s and have remained there ever since.

Because at the end of the day, we could all use a little more Kylie Minogue in our everyday lives…and here’s 5 reasons why. 

So, let’s do it and then…let’s dance. 

1.That angelic voice…..Whether on a synth-fully delicious banger (“Get Outta My Way,” “Into the Blue”), punch-y disco romp (“Million Miles,” “Sexy Love), bedroom ready beat (“Fever,” “Sexercize”), classic club anthem (“Your Disco Needs You,” “On A Night Like This”)  or reinvented dance craze (“The Locomotion”), Kylie has a voice that’ll just simply give it to ya and make you lose-it-in-the-music in the most delightful way possible.

On or off the dance floor, of course. 

Although her vocals may not be as brass as Madonna’s or a powerhouse like Adele’s, it’s one that will forever remain purr-fect for those days when you’re feeling happy, sad, feisty, a lil’ kinky, or for when you’re just plain…spinning around. 

2.Because you still do “The Loco-motion” and you still can’t get “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” out of your head…..    Speaking of Kylie’s timeless ’80s floor filler…..admit it…you still do it, Mom and everyone else.

And when it comes to the oh, so ooo-ey, goo-ey goodness of Kylie’s early ’00s breakthrough beat? Well, the title speaks for itself because we still fucking can’t get it out of our heads. But then again, why would we want to? Even almost two decades later, the Cathy Dennis (!!) penned tune still plays out as tempting and delish as the day it was rightfully served into our Minogue music hearts. Respect a little more, please. 

3.All of those delicious videos…..  From the delightful free-flowing love on display in “All the Lovers” to the simply stunning choreo (and those red boots!) in “Get Outta My Way,” from the girl-on-girl-on-girl realness  in “Sexercize” to that white outfit in “Can’t Get You Out of My Head.” It’s all here and so, so, so much more in Kylie’s klassic music video vault.  And of course, we just cant’t leave out……any and every look from her late ’80s/early ’90s contributions. Priceless...and they all deserve your attention right….now. 

4.She’s a survivor……    Perhaps the Fever diva’s (go here) biggest feat came in 2007 when she kicked breast cancer’s ass after being diagnosed two years earlier. Although the iconic disco ball destroyer was on a world tour while she received her diagnosis, like a true tour-de-force, she kept on and underwent treatment while on the road.

Although her touring schedule was scaled back a bit, there was no stopping her recovery–and making sure her fans knew she was going to fight this fucking disease. And then it happened….in early 2007, the world rejoiced when it was announced that she was in remission, and soon came her tenth studio album, the dark and daring, X.

Although critics were a bit shady as to why there weren’t more tracks about her cancer battle, but hey, it’s Kylie’s fucking business, right? X not only proved that she didn’t miss a beat while fighting her fight, but that she won the battle and her grooves will go on forever and ever.

Werk, Ms. Minogue, werk. 

5.She’s a fucking legend……  Listen, whether you’re completely obsessed with everything she does, somewhere in the middle, or have no idea who the fuck she even is(let us pray for your music soul..), there’s simply no denying that this pop disco diva is a true legend.

Throw in that undeniable fighting spirit and the fact that she continues the slay for all of us (and will most likely do so long after we’re gone) there’s no better time to bow down and rightfully insert a little more Kylie Minogue into your everyday life. 

So, do it…like now. 

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Music Tea w/Felix and the Future

In today’s somewhat confusing(not to mention…so f@cking frustrating)times, it might seem a bit intimidating for an aspiring performer to just get out there and truly be themselves out of fears of this puzzle that has become our everyday lives. 

But really, where’s the fun in that?

In fact, now is the absolute best time for all of us to be who we are, whether on or off the music block.

And if there’s one invigorating performer out there who’s not just delivering a unique, out-of-this-world sound, but is also inspiring others to just simply….be themselves….it’s Mexican-American queer pop artist, Felix and the Future

Hailing from Brooklyn (and will hopefully be serving the likes of Philly very soon), Felix has crafted a style, sass and sound that has carved him out as a force to be reckoned with in the LGBTQ community, with this being in correspondence to the vivid response to his latest album, Holy Hands Vol 2 (go here), which has caught the eyes of ears of fans across the country.

However……you betta call Pink because Mr. Felix is just getting the party started. Just ask OUT Magazine, Heart is a Spade and Golden Press who’ve had nothing but fabulous things to say about Felix and the Future’s visually and electronically stimulating new clip, “Karen,” which is only a true pre-cursor to his latest intergalactic set. 

And since you’ve been such good guys, gals and gays, you’ll get to hang out with “Karen” below, but first get to know Felix as he stopped by Philly Mixtape for a far out music tea about, well,….it all

Take a sip….you’ll be glad you did. 

First up, spill for everyone about where you pull your musical influences and style from…  I am very inspired by Clara Rockmore, the virtuoso theremin player and the incredible uneasiness of music that she brought to the world. It was beautiful, otherworldly and also a bit sad. Klaus Nomi is another inspiration. He was so ahead of his time and so bizarrely talented, but had his career cut short by AIDS. If you don’t know his music, please look it.

Okay, let’s get this one out of the way because it stumps everybody….shout out a few albums you simply can’t live and breathe without…. I couldn’t live without The Hours soundtrack composed by Phillip Glass. (I’m actually listening to it right now.) it sends me into a deep meditative place that makes me hyper focused. I imagine that’s what Ritalin is like for college kids studying, although I’ve never taken it. I [also] couldn’t live without Boys for Pele by Tori Amos. When I listen to this album I see a black void with iridescent images floating in and out like storytelling angels. The level of imagination and surrealism inspires me every time. Kate bush’s Aerial is the album I listen to when I want to be bathed in sunlight. It floods me like July and it helps me through winter days.

Let’s spill about your riveting new set, How did it all come to light?  It came to light through darkness. Almost none of the songs take place during the daytime. I was on a night train in Southeast Asia when I started writing Karen. She was the gateway song into black space. For me, I was at a crossroads. Each song, like a mini planet, pulled up memories, dreams, failures, and struggles that had been bubbling under for years. Once I started writing they poured out of me like a fountain. I made a conscious decision to look into the face of everyone who made me feel inadequate, who mocked me, and also those that I had wronged and used my songs to speak to them. Maybe the songs will keep them from haunting me. Or maybe they are now e-ghosts! 

What are some other messages you hope to get across through your music and performances? The songs are a sanctuary for those in need. They are strange and sometimes disturbing, but they allow you to be whoever you want to be and take what you want to take. I hope the songs help you mine for your inner diamond.

What are some words of inspiration you would personally give to those who may be struggling through to make it in today’s tough times? Nothing is real. Reality isn’t real. Social media isn’t real. Everything is an illusion, and an illusion for you to mold to your liking with a little bit of glitter and resourcefulness.

What’s next for Felix and the Future on the 2018 horizon?  I’ll be on a mini tour with Hunger City this coming June. It’ll be East Coast/West Coast! He and I are also doing a weekly music + life chat via Instagram Live every Sunday at 10PM. So if you want us to come to your city hit us up! My new video A Voice from the Future will be premiering in the next couple of weeks with director Michael Saint-Onge. I’m playing at Transpecos next month. I’m shooting more music videos this spring and working on a Photo Concept Project with the photographer Joe Kramm.

One last sip…….describe Holy Hands Vol. 2 album in one word… Translunar