Gird all of the halos and habits and get ready to relive all of the Mother Superior shade you still heave all over the place (of course, there’s never enough, thank you Maggie Smith), because everyone’s favorite movie in the whole entire world, Sister Act, is celebrating twenty-five years of makin’ fabulous music for our oh, so sinful lives.
So, to celebrate such a heavenly occasion (it really is, right Sister Mary Patrick?), Philly Mixtape is serving up a special commemorative piece that’s spillng all sorts of Ms. Whoopi tea and then some, while gettin’ down with all of that spiritual music truth and exposing the real Sister Mary Robert.
No shade, Ms. Wendy Makkena, no shade.
It’s all here and so, so much more, so let’s all kneel down and commune our asses to Sister Act church right now. Because after twenty-five glory-us years…..it’s still truly the only way.
1.Go on, Mizz Whoopi…. All tea, no shade to the Divine Ms. Bette Midler, but we’re so god, um, darn glad she turned down the lead role of lounge singer-turned-nun-turned-famous gospel diva Dolores Van Cartier/Sister Mary Clarence. Truly, there’s just no one else that could fill that halo, that sass and those stilettos quite like Ms. Whoopi. And John, Peter, Paul and Ringo, of course.
2.”Good night, ladies and gentlemen…you don’t give a shit.” Actually, we give lots of shits about the opening credits of Sister Act because it not only kicks it all off, but we’re blessed with the fabulous “Lounge Medley” (hey there, Ronelles!) that every true fan of the movie absolutely knows by heart….with all of those moves, of course. #burnin
3.”Say goodnight, Ernie” Oh, Ernie…we hardly knew ye. Really, he may have made a couple of wrong turns in his life, but, sigh…..
4.Go on, Mr. Harvey Keitel… The original gangsta. No further witnesses.
5.And of course, purple mink coats from your lover’s ex-wife are a must…. It’s ours, we deserve it. Connie LaRocca 4 Eva….
6.It’s where all of the fabulous queens learned how to throw proper shade… Thank you, Maggie Smith, aka Mother “Boogie Woogie on the Piano” Superior. And of course, gurl groups 4 lyfe.
7.Lesson number one…. #younuns
8.”Gravy” and Ms. Kathy all day… And more of Ms. Kathy Najimy serving up the fierce with every god damn (sorry, you just have to) line she delivered along with every single scene she stole as delightfully overjoyed Sister Mary Patrick.
9.Long live Sister Mary Robert…well, sort of… While it’s a known tea spill that Sister Mary Robert’s vocals were actually served up by the lovely Ms. Andrea Robinson, you have to hand it to Ms. Wendy Makkena…no one takes a dive out a moving car quite like she can. Now, get out of bed, you daisy head and get to watchin’ Sister Act for the fifth time today.
10.The first choir class….. No explanation needed.
11.”Just a Touch of Love” Is truly all we need. And to watch the C+C Music Factory blessed montage over and over and over again. Ready, set, Double Dutch.
13.”Hail Holy Queen” Or should we say, Hail, Holy Yaaaaas Kween whenever this delightful takes over our Showtunes Sundays lives. That answer would be yas….kween. Now, step.
14.”My God” Sing along if you know the words. That would be…everybody.
15.”Roll With Me Henry” We’ll be rollin straight to the juke box and over to the dance floor whenever Ms. Etta James’ “Henry” enters over our old school music lives. In which fans of Sister Act know that it’s pretty much..everyday. Let’s roll.
16.”It’s better than sex” Or, so we’ve heard….
17.”If My Sister’s in Trouble” While no one has truly any idea just whatever happened to Lady Soul (and that definitely-from-’92 wardrobe), Sister Act’s R&B blessed theme song and nun worthy accompanying video will cement the truth that it’s really just…that…movie. Praise ’em up for the ladies of Lady Soul.
18.”Rescue Me” If you haven’t done your chores while grooving along to Fontella Bass’ smash hit, then you definitely missed, like, all of the spots.
19. Sister Act 2:Back in the Habit No explanation needed as you most likely know every bit of the sequel just as well as you know its predecessor. And the moment Ms. Lauryn Hill takes over our ‘Habit’ lives with “His Eye is on the Sparrow”….still pure heavenly bliss.
20. Sister Act:The Musical Another no explanation needed as you most likely, well, you know where this is going you fabulous Broadway kween, you.
21.One more time….
22.”I Will Follow Him” Sigh……
23.The closing credits, though….. You know you make me wanna…..watch them over and over again. Dolores Van Cartier on the cover of People magazine for life.
24.San Francisco Luv… The true star of the show here…the flawless and captivating city of San Francisco, for which nun of these classic Sister Act shenanigans would truly exist. Or without Buckwheat Bertha, of course. We simply can’t leave her out now, can we?
25.Do you really need another reason? If so, there’s two words for you….Bless You. And then start it all over again. In a word, thank you Sister Act…thank you.