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Joan Rivers, I Fucking Love You

Originally written on Sept 4th, 2014…

I’m sitting here working on my latest article and I just got news that the legendary Joan Rivers has died. I’m shaking right now as I am writing this. This is actually a new feeling for me because I don’t think I have ever been hit this hard by news of a celebrity dying. You know why? Because she was so much more than a celebrity to me. She was my fucking comedy hero. Her humor was timeless, her wit is incomparable and I can tell you right now that I’m absolutely devastated by this news.

I love writing about music, and I also love adding comedic qualities to my work-and Joan Rivers taught me how to do that. My latest one-liner that I recently came up with is “I’m more exhausted than Mariah and Nick’s lawyers going over their pre-nup” It’s that perfect blend of humor and bitchiness that only Joan could EVER teach anyone.

So, to Joan-I salute you. Thank you for your hard work, your humor and for teaching me to not give a fuck what anyone thinks.

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Mixtape Music News

1.Janet Jackson drops Unbreakable track listing and release date!!!!!

Who’s ready for a Janet heart attack on this heat stroke inducing Thursday? 

This morning, the ageless diva officially served us with a whole buffet of details on her new album Unbreakable, which is set to rock our music worlds on Oct. 2. Along with the singles “No Sleeep” (featuring J. Cole) and “The Great Forever,” the hotly anticipated new album will feature the singer’s second Missy Elliott collaboration: “Burnitup!”, which Janet premiered live earlier this week on her Unbreakable World Tour

The hot-off-the-music-press release also says that the new record  “will mark the first time Janet Jackson has opened up about her brother Michael and with reflections concerning her youth.”

If that’s enough Janet sizzle for you, according to her longtime collaborators Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, Unbreakable “is a subject for conversation, a plea for compassion, and a call for action from someone who’s come a long way, but’s got a long way to go, and has much to say about it. In other words, if you want to know what’s on her mind you only have to listen.”

For the complete Unbreakable track list, get to Janet werk right here and let the countdown begin. 

2.Justin Bieber finally explains his breakdown at the VMAs….

The Biebs is certainly hot on the comeback trail…

Last night, the singer took his comeback tour and potentially chart-topping single, “What Do You Mean,” to The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. 

Rocking a way oversized camo jacket and black hat, the “Baby” maker seemed cool, calm and collected on Fallon’s couch, joking with the late night host about their shared shade for aerial harnesses (“It pulls on the junk!”) and he also discussed just why, oh, why he got so emotional after his performance at last weekend’s MTV Video Music Awards

“It was so overwhelming,” Bieber spilled. “I missed some cues so I was a bit disappointed about that. But just the support… I didn’t expect them to support me in the way they did. Last time I was at an awards show, I was booed.”

Watch the full confessional below. By the way, Bieber’s as-yet-untitled new record is set to hit headphones everywhere on Nov 13th. 

3.Lady Gaga’s AHS Hotel sex scenes will literally leave nothing to the imagination….

Gone is the meat dress and in are….Band-Aids. 

Proving that she’s a professional diva while filming sexy scenes on American Horror Story: Hotel, Lady Gaga got to work on set showing up wearing virtually….nothing. 

“She’s the only actress I think I’ve worked with who wanted to do more explicit stuff than was written,” AHS ringleader Ryan Murphy told Entertainment Weekly. “You write a foursome for her and you expect a lot of questions. She never did that.”

Murphy also went in to say that “She showed up and she was wearing diamond pasties, a Band-Aid on her hoo-ha, heels, and a black veil that Alexander McQueen made for her on the day before his death. Then the crew gasped in delight and we were off!”

Would you really expect anything, um, less?  AHS: Hotel, where Gaga will portray a wealthy, blood thirsty hotel owner called The Countess, premieres Oct. 7 on FX. 

 

4.Ariana Grande is readying to take us into the ‘Moonlight’….

Ready for some new Ariana grooves? 

The “Love Me Harder” songstress dropped some not-so-subtle hints about her upcoming Moonlight project  on Twitter last night. The previously-confirmed new record was expected to hit headphones before the end of the year, but now it looks like it may arrive around October.

Besides not being able to contain her excitement for “the near future,” the singer said in tweet (that’s since been deleted.) that “the (moon emoji) festivities begin in October.” Her current tour ends Oct. 13, which is the purr-fect time for her to start wearing animal ears again. Fans may even be able to expect the album’s first single “Focus on Me” before then, per another tweet that go figure, has since been deleted. 

5.Keith Richards wants to make a new Rolling Stones album…and it just might happen. 

They just keeps going and going….and going…

In a recent spillage with Entertainment Weekly, legendary Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards told the mag that the iconic rock group may be hitting the studio next year. 

“I’m trying to get the Stones into the studio,” Richards told EW. “But I don’t quite honestly see it happen this year. After we do South America in February and March, I’d love to get in the studio in April. But I know what those guys are like. When they finish a tour, they don’t want to do nothing!”

There’s no doubt that the 71-year-old guitarist has a while lot going on as he’s currently in extensive promo-mode in support of his solo album Crosseyed Heart, which is set to rock out on Sept. 18. If that’s enough for you, the rock veteran is also the subject of a new Netflix documentary called Keith Richards: Under the Influence, which will be released on the same day.

On another music note, The Stones’ latest tour has done gigantic business, Billboard recently reported. The Zip Code stadium tour of North America wrapped in mid-July with $109.7 million grossed from just 14 shows. (!) Adding in worldwide ticket sales from their 50 & Counting tour (2012-2013) and last year’s 14 On Fire road trek, the iconic rock band’s overall concert grosses during the past 33 months top $401 million with 1.8 million fans in attendance at 62 shows…which doesn’t include festival appearances. Throw in the fact that the South America shows will push past a total gross of $500 million, only further proving that the Stones will be around long after we’re all gone. 

 

 

 

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Summer Groove of the Day/JoJo/”When Love Hurts”

Ms. JoJo just snatched my summer music wig….

Just when I thought I had all of my favorite summer 2015 grooves in check, the eardrum shattering songstress not only gets me to add the word “tringle” to my everyday jargon, but delivers “When Love Hurts,” a feisty banger that puts our girl in the middle of the dance floor for the very first time. While yes, “Hurts” is a simple pop tune, but JoJo soars on the track, providing us with killer vocals on top of a synth-fully delicious beat. And is that a little ’90s house music organ I hear mixed in? It most certainly is..

Also, for those of you who get your werkout in on the daily, this is the perfect song to break a sweat to. It will take you up, take you down, but most of all will make you realize why you should’ve never left Ms. JoJo in the first place.