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5 Ways to Get a Touch More Woke for Lady Gaga’s Super Bowl Halftime Show

Here we Gaga go. 

In just about four hours (aka one day in Little Monsters time), Ms. Stefani Germanotta is about to unleash her Super Bowl halftime extravaganza for the entire world to see. While we may have no idea just what she has up her creative sleeve (or whatever you might call it), one thing we do know is that this performance will be miles away from the last time a certain diva owned the worldwide stage for all of us to bask in.

Ahem….

So, while you’ve charged your disco stick all sorts of up, listened to all of Gaga’s hits (and apparently practiced those iconic “Thriller” moves?), step away from the chicken wings because there’s still plenty of time get a touch more woke for tonight’s Gaga Bowl...and here’s 5 ways how. 

1.Show a little love to ArtPop Just when you thought you’ve done all of your prep werk ahead of tonight’s shenanigans, it seems we may have forgotten to show a little love to Gaga’s much maligned fourth studio set. And while, yes, it’s still a bit “ugh” to get through (“Swine” and “Jewels N Drugs,” anyone? Anyone??), it’s still home to “Applause” and “Do What You Want,” which are no doubt two of the most underrated tracks in Gaga’s monstrous catalog. Besides, any true music artist doesn’t serve up a legacy without having at least one American Life flub in their vault. So, do it up for this one day only, the “Meat Dress” is counting on you. 

2.Reminsce on that time when Britney threw all the shade towards Gaga, err, Jo’s way… No explanation needed. 

3.Practice that “Bad Romance” choreo again and again… While everyone and their Drag Mother Monster has mastered and learned the “Bad Romance” choreography ever since the accompanying video stormed into our eyeballs nearly a decade ago, but when it comes to Gaga’s career changing tune, practice always makes perfect. Besides, we must show an example of how to slay not just for the younger generation of fab kids who may be basking in Gaga’s presence for the very first time, but for the mean, old, grouchy Budweiser slingin’ uncle in the room whose clearly rooting for the other team. Now, get those paws up and be a fierce free bitch, baby. 

4.Get ready to clutch those ‘Joanne’ tour pearls? If there’s been one thing missing from our Gaga lives in what feels like a million years ago at this point, it’s a big ol’ tour in a delightfully bat shit crazy way that only Gaga knows how to deliver. While an announcement of a Joanne World Tour following the Super Bowl would certainly be everything and more, it would also make up for the 3 city Dive Bar Tour Gaga served up last year in which Philly–the reigning champion of all things dive bars–certainly felt the shade with that one. In other words, bring it, Ms. Lady, as our City of Brotherly Love live music pearls are already clutched in anticipation for such a woke announcement. 

5.Watch Melissa McCarthy on SNL as Sean Spicer…. While this one may have nothing to do with Gaga or football, much like the “Poker Face” diva’s upcoming Super Bowl slay, it’s life within its damn self. Just watch again and again. Then repeat steps one through 5 if you’re not quite there yet. See you at the Gaga show! 

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Super Bowl Weekend (& Beyond) Entertainment Mixtape

Let’s get our Gaga Bowl weekend on and then some, shall we?

Yas, butch football queen..yas. 

Neil Simon’s Laughter on the 23rd Floor Because a touch of Mr. Simon and the laughs provided by this beloved play is just what our lives need right now. Walnut Street Theatre, now-March 5th, $20-$85, various showtimes, 825 Walnut St.

DJ Chris Urban Philly’s (or perhaps the world’s) busiest DJ is all set to own your dance floor lives all month long at any one of the fabulous locations. Now, get to work, work, work, work, work, bish. Every first Frislay, 10 pm, Franky Bradley’s, 1320 Chancellor St., 10 pm, L’Etage, 624 South 6th St. 12 pm, Positano Coast 212 Walnut St.

Sing Your Life Karaoke Since Ms. Sara Sherr’s highly noted (or screeched) karaoke company is recognized all over the City of Brotherly Love, there’s just one thing missing from her fancy gigs listed below…you. And “Black Velvet” for life, of course. Sun, 9-2, Bob and Barbara’s, 1509 South Street Tues, 9-2, 12 Steps Down, 9th and Christian Thurs, 9-2 W/N W/N 931 Spring Garden, Fri, 9-1 Southhouse, 2535 S. 13th St. Saturday, 9-1:45 Les & Doreen’s Happy Tap,1301 E Susquehanna Ave

Showtunes Sunday Just when you thought your life couldn’t get any more awkward, there’s that queen over there butchering every song from Sister Act. So, you know what that means…show ’em what you got, Ms. Van Cartier. Every Sunday, 8 pm, Tavern on Camac, 243 S. Camac St. 

iheartthe80s Party So, your Saturday night called and said it needs the ’80s music truth of Taylor Dayne and Stacey Q., the sassy sass of Philly Drag Mafia and its owner, Ms. Brittany Lynn, the Pat Benetar stylings of Ms. Brittany Marie and the werk of local drag diva Navaya Shay to be all up in it at once. Lucky for you, that’s all happening tonight. So, get those tickets…and go. 8pm, The Block at Harrah’s Philadelphia, 777 Harrah’s Blvd., 19013 

Vixens & Vagabonds Queer & Kinky Cabaret:Love Bites Yas, love bites. But that doesn’t mean you should spend the days leading up to Valentine’s Day thinking about all that drama. Instead, take your bons bons over to Tabu for LICK’s latest Valentine’s show featuring “the best, the worst, and the kinkiest things about being in love!” With performances on the slay by Liberty City Kings Drag & Burlesque performers as well as Bella La Blanc and Thomas Fincannon, this is one local entertainment feast you don’t want to miss your place at. Plus, it’s all for the love for the Leather Heart Foundation, which is all the more reason to dream up something sassy to say when Mom asks what the f#$k that is on your neck. 8 pm, Tabu, 200 South 12th St. 

Golden Gurlz Live Because no Super Bowl Sunday Funday (or our Hulu lives in eight days..but who’s counting?) should be complete without the sassy shenanigans of Rose, Dorothy, Blanche and “Ma” from two of your favorite episodes of The Golden Girls, especially when Pissi Myles, Brittany Lynn, Connor Michalchuk and Bella Cane are at the helm and all of our pre-Gaga mercy. And remember, these old gals are hard of hearing and will have their hearing aids turned all the way up just to hear each other, so after you come in, take a seat on the linei and keep it down, otherwise prepare to get read by “Ma” like a used copy of 50 Shades of Grey in the bargain bin at Ross. And of course, thank you for being a friend, bitch. You can even be their best Gurl friend after you grab those tickets. 11 am, Common Wealth Old City, 319 Market St. 

Lady Gaga  If anyone’s wondering why there’s not too many events scheduled for this Sunday, it’s because of this queen right here. There’s also some big (maybe Super?) football game between the Atlanta Falcons and New England Patriots (research) going on in the middle of it all…because that’s just what it will all be. Ready, set, “Perfect Illusion” key change. Play sports! Check your local listings or ask a fabulous queen 

The Funny Gals at Tattooed Mom So, you know what they say, when life hands you a stinky Cheetos singed toupe, you just have to head out for a few laughs and maybe split or side or two in hopes that this won’t be the night you’ll have to cut a bitch with your Gilette Venus. Lucky for us, Astala Vista, BEV, VinChelle and Khaki Capri are about to serve up a show that’s guaranteed to be more hilarious than the shit that flies (literally..it has more wings than Red Bull) out of Sean Spicer’s mouth. Enough said. Like, laugh or something. Tattoed Mom, Feb 7th, 530 South St. 

Rick Astley First, watch the video for Mr. Astley’s smash hit, “Never Gonna Give You Up.” Then get those tickets. Or, do it simultaneously but it might be hard to because this video, doe.. Saturday, Feb 11th, Electric Factory, 830 pm, 421 N. 7th St. 

O-Town First, watch the video for O-Town’s “Liquid Dreams.” Then, get those tickets. Or, do it simultaneously, but it might be hard because this video, though.. Sunday, Feb 12th, 6 pm, The Foundry, 23 East Allen St. 

The Bodyguard starring Deborah Cox If there’s anyone that dares to question why the legendary Ms. Cox is owning the music truth that will forever be in the dearly departed Whitney Houston’s The Bodyguard, please keep scrolling along..because respect. And if you’re down with Ms. D, she’ll see you after you get those tickets.  The Kimmel Center, Feb 21st-Feb 26th, various dates and showtimes 

Ariana Grande This one’s not until March, but we’ll still be paying those February bills, so it counts, right? Really, though, who cares because Ary-anah is coming to put her Dangerous Woman decadance on full display for Philly. So, “Problem” off, queen, and snatch those tickets up in the way you’ve been dreaming of snatching Ms. Grande’s ponytail for your very own. March 1st, Wells Fargo Center, Slay 

Just Shut the F#$k Up and Listen to More Music Like..right now. We don’t need all that like Nickelodeon in this local and legendary entertainment place.

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Groove of the Weekend/Lady Gaga/”Bad Romance”

So, in case you haven’t heard (and if you haven’t, you’re, like, not born this way yet), there’s a big ol’ Lady Gaga concert set to take place tomorrow night. 

And right in the middle of a football game, none the less. 

Of course, this just isn’t any football game, it’s the football game-aka Super Bowl–in which two teams–New England Patriots and Atlanta Falcons–will fight against all those commercials and Ms. Gaga’s shenanigans for a trip to Disney World and a chance to win our sports hearts forever. 

But truly at the end of the day and halftime, all eyes and paws will be on Ms. Lady, and while we truly have no idea just what she has in store for us (rumor has it she’s hatching, err, dropping out of the ceiling of the sports dome), what we can do is prepare ourselves to get even more woke for The Countess (for once, that role works creatively), which means you should absolutely check back into Philly Mixtape a touch later this weekend for a look at 5 ways on how we can achieve such a feat. 

Because from the looks of it, that’s simply like winning the big game itself as it seems we’re all more wide awake than Ms. Perry for whatever Gaga and this year’s Super Bowl spectacular have in store for us. 

And please, for the love of all things Gaga and the game, let’s keep it cute on those social media front lines this weekend as this is one festivity that will always belong to us and nobody’s Twitter rants/opinions. 

Ready, set, free bitch, baby. 

Sports! 

This year’s grooves sound like…